Real news: motorized barstool rider gets DUI

From time to time I like to scan Cnn.com to see what is going on in this wonderful world of ours. Remarkably, when I checked under U.S. News, I found my new favorite article headline of all time: "Ohio man seeks trial over getting DUI on motorized barstool."

This man decided it was a brilliant idea to attach a barstool to a lawnmower engine, and after downing around fifteen beers, took it for a spin around his neighborhood. After reaching speeds of around 40 mph, he apparently had a fairly rough crash and the police had to come to the rescue. By the end of the day, the guy got arrested and ended up with a DUI.

Now, I can speak for a lot of people when I say that this story is pretty funny. Almost immediately after I finished reading this story, I began to wonder why this guy even made his little invention in the first place. Was it so he could drive to a bar, have a drink, and then drive home without even getting up? Or was he simply tinkering in his garage when he noticed that he just happened to have an extra bar stool lying around?

Yet those points aside, how did this story ever reach CNN? People around the world will be able to log into this website, and hear about a guy from Ohio who drank one to many beers and decided to take his bar stool for a ride. There is nothing wrong with reporting on something entertaining for the sake of a good chuckle, but when this story rates as number three on today’s “stories most e-mailed”, you have to wonder what kind of news people are actually looking for. Sure people might get bummed out when they hear about a helicopter crash, or that North Korea is working on sending missiles into space, but isn’t that news a bit more pertinent?

I hate to talk about our neighbors on the other side of the pond, but the BBC has got articles on the current situation Hugo Chavez, on the new Israeli prime minister, and on top of that they’ve got the latest cricket scores as well. While cricket is not very high on the list of things that rev my engine, I believe the Brits do the news better. They leave the drama and the gossip for the tabloids, and deliver genuine news stories. Being that we as a nation are not very popular, I feel we should start paying attention to what is going on in the world, and by doing this maybe we can change a our global image.

-Stefan Slater

Viable vigilante justice

“You may be asking yourself: Do I feel lucky?” and with a slight grin he clicks back the hammer of his magnum, “Well, do you punk!?” If you don’t know this line from this beloved American classic “Dirty Harry,” then your obviously not a fan of tough guy movies. In that case, you’re probably more familiar with lame “chick flick” movies like “Pretty Woman,” but I digress.

Anyway, if you’re an average red-blooded male like me, when you watch movies like “Die Hard,” “Braveheart,” or “The Boondock Saints” you feel a pressing need to either grab a giant pistol (or depending on the movie, a huge sword and kilt) and go out a blow away some bad guys. These movies get the testosterone flowing, and they make the idea of pursuing justice with a manly vengeance a truly appealing idea.

But in reality, you simply can’t go out and be a vigilante, simply because society frowns on the idea. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we should all have the right to put somebody down if they harm us, because that unfortunately allows ordinary individuals to take the law unnecessarily into their own hands. For example, if I was in a bank and it was being robbed, and I grabbed a security guards gun and started shooting, one of two things could happen. First of all, just like a movie, I could miraculously shoot all the bad guys, and then get to be hero, and then promptly hook-up with the beautiful girl who was standing behind me in line.

But the other thing that could happen is that I could accidentally hurt the wrong people and make the situation much worse. I am not a cop, so I have no reason to step in and make matters worse. In other words, we all can’t go around being the tough guy and beating up anyone who crosses the line because in the end you will end up crossing the line yourself. Yet what I will say is this, if an injustice is occurring, the worst thing you could do is nothing.

As Edmund Burke said, "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." So don’t go out and be the jerk beating up everybody left and right, but at least do the right thing, and stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves.

Photo from MCT Campus

What's Your Phobia?

We are all scared of something, whatever it may be. For me, I had to confront my worst fear a few weeks ago. I was getting ready to head to the beach and was going through my usual routine of getting all of my gear together. I went to my apartment balcony, grabbed my towel, which was drying from the other day, and then walked back inside, and threw it on my chair. That’s when I turned around and saw a good three-inch spider jump down from the towel. I swear on my life, that that nasty little devil looked up at me for a split second, and then took off running towards my refrigerator.

To be honest, I did absolutely nothing, mainly because I hate spiders with an utter passion. I am almost positive that he knew I wasn’t going to anything, and he must have been laughing in his little spider brain. Anyway, I can’t stand these nasty critters whatsoever, and I know I have always been that way since I was a kid. It’s the way they look, and all those extra legs, that just sends shivers down my spine. I hate to say it, but I can’t walk down the reptile aisle at PetCo, because I know that one of those little tanks has one of those god-awful tarantulas just sitting there, all hairy and disgusting.

But on that note, I have no problem with any other creepy crawlers. I am cool with snakes, other bags, rats, and any other nasty little bugger you can think off. So why am I afraid of spiders? I have no clue. I thought about it though, and I guess that a lot of people have their own particular phobias. My girlfriend is afraid of heights, and my dad hates cockroaches. They don’t really know why, they just know that they do. So I guess I really don’t have to be too embarrassed about my little fear. Some day I’ll get over this though. I’m not sure how, and hopefully I wont have to go the ridiculous extreme of buying a pet tarantula to do so, but I know that one day I will.

---Stefan Slater

Photo: Wikimedia Commons

Getting paid to do what you love?

I was taking out my surfboard from my car in the parking lot at El Porto when the guy parked next to me got out of his car, walked up to the parking meter, and let out a series of swear words that would make an army sergeant blush.

Let me explain, see recently the amount of time a quarter could get you there went down from fifteen minutes to ten. So for an hour in the water, you have to drop a $1.20. If you’re in the water pretty regularly, like I am, it tends to rack up rather quickly.

But that aside, the guy did let out at least one interesting nugget of insightfulness, and that was, “They don’t pay us to do this!”

Well, he is right, he and I don’t get paid to surf, but then again, I am not a pro. But it got me thinking, what if I was paid to do what I love? I love to surf; so getting paid to do it would be great, right?

But then I thought about it, and I figured that there would be a lot of pressure on me to make sure my surfing was fantastic. If I was getting paid to do it, I couldn’t really afford to have an off day out in the water. I would have to be top of my game every time I went out. But over time I really think I would stop seeing surfing as fun and more as work.

I am only saying this because we all figure that getting paid to do what we love would be great, and that it should be a major goal for a person to achieve. But if you mix your passion with the stress and pressure of bringing home a check, you might forget why you love that particular activity so much. So if you ever get paid to do what you love, what ever it may be (save for killing people), remind yourself from time to time why you love that passion.

---Stefan Slater